armed with torches

Now that is a phrase that I should incorporate into my life.  Or at least I need someone, somewhere to tell someone else a story about me and have that phrase (as part of my description) uttered during that conversation.  As in "So, you know that girl, Chy?  We were heading to that new club for a night out, right? And I show up at her house and she comes out dressed in an amazingly chic and unique outfit that accentuated her eyes, armed with a torch.  I tell you, everytime we hang out, the shit hits the fan."  Or something like that. 

I'd be more intimidating if I spontaneously showed up places armed with a torch.  "Why you carrying a torch, Chy?"  "Oh you know.  It's gonna be dark in about 6 hours.  Just thinking ahead."  Or "Last night I couldn't find my keys in my purse, tonight I brought my own light source.  Or "Firelight is more flattering, duh."  Myriad of rhetorical comments do I carry in my arsenal.  As a 5'2 lady of average looks and above average intelligence, you gotta be snappy with the balderdash.  At least no one will call me unprepared if I'm armed with a torch.  Probably look taller too.