mild depression
Cup-o-Joe. My dad is not a morning person, not that I blame him. Years of caffiene addiction has zapped any resemblance of humanity out of my dad in the wee-hours of the morning. Little more than a domesticed primate (which we all are, basically) at 5, 6, 7 in the morning, we generally do not communicate short of me saying "morning," and him calling me a goddess for making coffee for him. I love my dad.
Yesterday my dad asked about my weekend and I gave him the day play by play. Friday fine. Made chicken paprikash for the man. Saturday, nose stuffy. Touch of depression. Ate out for dinner. Sunday, great. Made lasagna for the man, stayed in all day. This morning he finally digested what I had said, and questioned me about Saturday's mild depression. While making lunch for my little lady sisters, I gave him the synopsis. I'm unemployed. I have no money. Nothing to do with my days. I am unaccustomed to daily nothingness.
Fifteen minutes later, he absorbed my comments. Finding me, he said that some people feel that their worth as a person is equated to how much they make(money). Point taken. This is definitely me.
For the past year and a half, I have dedicated my life to my previous job. I really really really liked my job. Disliked the people, liked what I did. I was good at it. It combined all the good qualities I possess: people person, good with numbers, fast learner, quick, and a natural born bullshitter. I learned that I have a knack for both tax law and IRS agents. Nothing gives you a heady feeling quite like outsmarting the government at their own revenue game. Nothing gives you a sense of accomplishment like helping those that cannot help themselves. My job gave me a daily purpose, and a sense of fulfillment in a time when I couldn't provide these things to myself. It gave me heaps of money, which I gladly took, spent and reaped my material pleasures. I earned every dollar I made with the grey matter sitting on top of my neck. (I am incredibly vain, yet I hate to feel I am being judged by my exterior. Many a client were taken aback once they met me because I'm not a book-worm looking mousy nerd, and I am young.) I got the job done, no questions asked, just did it. I was successful. Without my job, I am lost. And poor.
Without a job, my goal is school. I've got great legal experience, now I need the schooling behind it. But I am finding school not as emotionally and financially rewarding as my job once was. In fact, it's not financially rewarding at all. I still crave that bi-weekly paycheck. It's tax season and I crave to be in the throw of hysterical chaos as people try grasp the elusive comprehension of taxes. I thought I'd work some menial job to pay my cell phone bill and gym membership while I scrapped by as a student. Now I know whipping up espresso creations are not going to cut it for me. Yet, I don't want to sacrifice academics for another consuming postion. I am no spring chicken, getting a late start on school is not my idea of a good idea. I am finding balance difficult to achieve.
Yesterday my dad asked about my weekend and I gave him the day play by play. Friday fine. Made chicken paprikash for the man. Saturday, nose stuffy. Touch of depression. Ate out for dinner. Sunday, great. Made lasagna for the man, stayed in all day. This morning he finally digested what I had said, and questioned me about Saturday's mild depression. While making lunch for my little lady sisters, I gave him the synopsis. I'm unemployed. I have no money. Nothing to do with my days. I am unaccustomed to daily nothingness.
Fifteen minutes later, he absorbed my comments. Finding me, he said that some people feel that their worth as a person is equated to how much they make(money). Point taken. This is definitely me.
For the past year and a half, I have dedicated my life to my previous job. I really really really liked my job. Disliked the people, liked what I did. I was good at it. It combined all the good qualities I possess: people person, good with numbers, fast learner, quick, and a natural born bullshitter. I learned that I have a knack for both tax law and IRS agents. Nothing gives you a heady feeling quite like outsmarting the government at their own revenue game. Nothing gives you a sense of accomplishment like helping those that cannot help themselves. My job gave me a daily purpose, and a sense of fulfillment in a time when I couldn't provide these things to myself. It gave me heaps of money, which I gladly took, spent and reaped my material pleasures. I earned every dollar I made with the grey matter sitting on top of my neck. (I am incredibly vain, yet I hate to feel I am being judged by my exterior. Many a client were taken aback once they met me because I'm not a book-worm looking mousy nerd, and I am young.) I got the job done, no questions asked, just did it. I was successful. Without my job, I am lost. And poor.
Without a job, my goal is school. I've got great legal experience, now I need the schooling behind it. But I am finding school not as emotionally and financially rewarding as my job once was. In fact, it's not financially rewarding at all. I still crave that bi-weekly paycheck. It's tax season and I crave to be in the throw of hysterical chaos as people try grasp the elusive comprehension of taxes. I thought I'd work some menial job to pay my cell phone bill and gym membership while I scrapped by as a student. Now I know whipping up espresso creations are not going to cut it for me. Yet, I don't want to sacrifice academics for another consuming postion. I am no spring chicken, getting a late start on school is not my idea of a good idea. I am finding balance difficult to achieve.
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TheJoeD on
Timbo said he would support you as long as you kept whipping up delicious entrees. Actually he didn't say that, but I bet he wouldn't mind.
I'm kinda wrestling with similar issues: Stick with a high paying job or go with something more rewarding? Go back to school? I've painted myself into a corner career wise. It fucking blows. I was also unemployed for a year after college, so I know how you feel, and how much of a dead beat you can feel like on a given day.
I'm kinda wrestling with similar issues: Stick with a high paying job or go with something more rewarding? Go back to school? I've painted myself into a corner career wise. It fucking blows. I was also unemployed for a year after college, so I know how you feel, and how much of a dead beat you can feel like on a given day.
Moonz on
I'm doing the full time decent job and part time school, it's not fun, but it's my own fault I made my own bed, so I figured I'd try and throw some freshman girls into it. I'm finding in my profession not having a degree makes it impossible to get farther. So unfortunately I've had to take the load of both.
As daunting as it is, it's somewhat fulfilling as well. The commute sucks, leaving work early two days and working 10 hour days the rest isnt' exactly fun..but it's not as bad as it may seem. Have you thought about having another full time job, and going to school on weekends or nights?
As daunting as it is, it's somewhat fulfilling as well. The commute sucks, leaving work early two days and working 10 hour days the rest isnt' exactly fun..but it's not as bad as it may seem. Have you thought about having another full time job, and going to school on weekends or nights?
Fleur on
I was/am so afraid of being pigeonholded by my academics. I spent a good deal of time with an advisor, evaluating every single option for my transfer degree. I'm trying to avoid the painted corner.
I thought of school part-time and yadda yadda, but I'd rather do it as fast as possible. Making my way even more slowly through school would drive me crazy. I did first two years of culinary school as full-time and work full-time. That was a horrible idea. I have to be commited to my academics for me to get anywhere; my little ADD brain works better, surprise surprise when I am immersed in a project, like 8 hours of school.
I think that I'll get a sense of accomplishment shortly into the school year. That will hold me over.
I thought of school part-time and yadda yadda, but I'd rather do it as fast as possible. Making my way even more slowly through school would drive me crazy. I did first two years of culinary school as full-time and work full-time. That was a horrible idea. I have to be commited to my academics for me to get anywhere; my little ADD brain works better, surprise surprise when I am immersed in a project, like 8 hours of school.
I think that I'll get a sense of accomplishment shortly into the school year. That will hold me over.
