the 'UM' curse
I am normally a quite confident person. I don’t stutter. I don’t break into a cold sweat at the prospect of confrontation. In fact, I get a little giddy when it comes to talking in front of large groups because I like the spot light. Giving presentations or explaining my findings has always been another avenue to toot my own horn. Look at how smart I am, look at how resourceful. I’m competent; I’ve got a backbone to go with my brain matter. Not that I gloat, I just know when I am doing/have done a good job and I believe others should know these facts as well.
But. The past two weeks I have been busting my butt to complete a discovery for a mediation case I am assisting. This is my first ‘case,’ and thanks to a myriad of other impending deadlines on other cases, I have the opportunity to do the discovery process alone. Working this case with unrelenting fervor, I am trying my damnedest to impress one of the partner attorneys who is going to have to show up to the mediation with my discoveries. It’s damn hard! I am completely unfamiliar with this scope of law, not to mention I have no idea how to read structural, architectural, mechanical or electrical drawings, of which I am reliant upon to understand what the jibberish the contractors and engineer are referencing. With an impending presentation, I have been stressing myself out so much that I’ve given myself the ‘um’ curse. Every time I approach said partner attorney with additional information, or to request clarification, I say ‘um’ approximately five times a sentence. And this is after I gave a presentation during which I stuttered uncontrollably. I sounded like freaking stuttering John!! It was embarrassing. Shuffling through papers to support my findings, I can’t even get a fully formed sentence out of my mouth while my hands do their best impression unconscious Parkinsons disease. I have never had an instance in my life where I walked away from a situation mentally slapping myself for appearing so sub-par intelligent. Since yesterday I have just been solidifying my partner attorney’s question to my intellect by say ‘um’ after every word. My brain slows down about 10 clicks when I walk into his office (which is unusually cooler than the rest of the office), I get a vacant look on my face and I forget what I needed to present, ask, clarify, submit, etc. On any given day I’m known for above average communication skills and articulation. I read the damn daily vocabulary word AND incorporate it into my daily work talk. But put me around an attorney and I’m a bumbling fool. Let’s hope I work this out of my system before I head to law school.
All in all, I guess I haven’t made an entire fool of myself. I just found out he wants me there to assist DURING the mediation! He may require I not speak or make any sudden movements, but I will be there! Now I need a power suit.
But. The past two weeks I have been busting my butt to complete a discovery for a mediation case I am assisting. This is my first ‘case,’ and thanks to a myriad of other impending deadlines on other cases, I have the opportunity to do the discovery process alone. Working this case with unrelenting fervor, I am trying my damnedest to impress one of the partner attorneys who is going to have to show up to the mediation with my discoveries. It’s damn hard! I am completely unfamiliar with this scope of law, not to mention I have no idea how to read structural, architectural, mechanical or electrical drawings, of which I am reliant upon to understand what the jibberish the contractors and engineer are referencing. With an impending presentation, I have been stressing myself out so much that I’ve given myself the ‘um’ curse. Every time I approach said partner attorney with additional information, or to request clarification, I say ‘um’ approximately five times a sentence. And this is after I gave a presentation during which I stuttered uncontrollably. I sounded like freaking stuttering John!! It was embarrassing. Shuffling through papers to support my findings, I can’t even get a fully formed sentence out of my mouth while my hands do their best impression unconscious Parkinsons disease. I have never had an instance in my life where I walked away from a situation mentally slapping myself for appearing so sub-par intelligent. Since yesterday I have just been solidifying my partner attorney’s question to my intellect by say ‘um’ after every word. My brain slows down about 10 clicks when I walk into his office (which is unusually cooler than the rest of the office), I get a vacant look on my face and I forget what I needed to present, ask, clarify, submit, etc. On any given day I’m known for above average communication skills and articulation. I read the damn daily vocabulary word AND incorporate it into my daily work talk. But put me around an attorney and I’m a bumbling fool. Let’s hope I work this out of my system before I head to law school.
All in all, I guess I haven’t made an entire fool of myself. I just found out he wants me there to assist DURING the mediation! He may require I not speak or make any sudden movements, but I will be there! Now I need a power suit.
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