Engagement is the new black
This is the first year, in all my years that I have felt literally bombarded by wedding extravaganzas, dress details, ring sizes and nuptials. I’ve recently been informed that not being engaged at least once means I, as a things with boobs, have been doing something wrong. Wow. Between last summer and this, the race has begun and I didn’t even put on my jogging shorts.
What happened? Some Saturday mornings I feel like I can’t flip the channel without a program about bridzillas and engagements taking place. I have to do a covert operation on the way to the bathroom just so I can avoid so-and-so, who just got engaged, or her catty friend. I have no desire to see your ring, hear of your impending crisis, or be drawn into a discussion on the authenticity of your diamond while trying to tinkle. It bad enough I have a friend who a wedding planner, I get the gory details. I’ve learned more about weddings in about 4 months than I have going through my mother’s 2 (and another on the way) marriages. Tiffany’s rings - gold standard, everything else - below par; over the top, put-yourself-in-more-debt-than-your-student-loans wedding - normal, a wedding based on two peoples love - what?; all about the bride - duh, mention the groom - who? I’ve never even dreamed of getting married, yet I’m being pulled into other people’s wedding wonderland. I’ve heard more quotes from attached women to the tone of ‘...putting in my time…” or “I’ve planned my entire wedding, I’m just waiting for him to ask.” I’ve witnessed ‘lonely ring fingers,’ and privy to information gal’s boyfriends don’t even know. Did you know most women already have their engagement ring picked out, they are just waiting for specific right perfect time (read: boyfriend drunk, in the middle of sex) to drop that bomb. How is that even approached, and aren’t you steal your man’s thunder?
I don’t understand the unmistakable scent of wedding seeking women that is in the air, adds new meaning to ‘women in heat,’ or maybe that was the meaning previously, I’m just now understanding. My wedding planner friend is the busiest she’s ever been, as if the slight chill in the wind has an effect on women akin to chipmunks preparing for winter. They are crazed with the hopes of tying the knot before winter’s grasp succeeds, meaning the ladies will have to wait another year for the absolute most glorious time to have their ‘day.’ That just seems like craziness. A wedding seems like such a huge fiasco; I’m even sure the two words are synonymous on Wikipedia (I’ll start that article right now.)
I guess I would be the same way. Well, almost. I am a girl, so fancy jewelry AWESOME. And I am Chy, so bragging is a must. I have no want to walk down the aisle. Fiancée sounds better than husband; can’t you have an unending engagement? Can’t it be stated at the engagement party (which I didn’t even know existed till a month ago) that you’re not actually gonna have a big eat cake and dance, I-do-you-do-we-do ceremony. Something like “Friends and family, this is just an expensive promise ring. It means we don’t have intentions of giving each other up, and nothing says ‘I’m taken’ like a blood diamond. Besides, this way we don’t have to negotiate divorce lawyers if I decide her ass is too big.” I’d even throw in that they aren’t obligated to get us gifts, I don’t need no toaster. I’m all for the unending engagement. That should be the new black.
What happened? Some Saturday mornings I feel like I can’t flip the channel without a program about bridzillas and engagements taking place. I have to do a covert operation on the way to the bathroom just so I can avoid so-and-so, who just got engaged, or her catty friend. I have no desire to see your ring, hear of your impending crisis, or be drawn into a discussion on the authenticity of your diamond while trying to tinkle. It bad enough I have a friend who a wedding planner, I get the gory details. I’ve learned more about weddings in about 4 months than I have going through my mother’s 2 (and another on the way) marriages. Tiffany’s rings - gold standard, everything else - below par; over the top, put-yourself-in-more-debt-than-your-student-loans wedding - normal, a wedding based on two peoples love - what?; all about the bride - duh, mention the groom - who? I’ve never even dreamed of getting married, yet I’m being pulled into other people’s wedding wonderland. I’ve heard more quotes from attached women to the tone of ‘...putting in my time…” or “I’ve planned my entire wedding, I’m just waiting for him to ask.” I’ve witnessed ‘lonely ring fingers,’ and privy to information gal’s boyfriends don’t even know. Did you know most women already have their engagement ring picked out, they are just waiting for specific right perfect time (read: boyfriend drunk, in the middle of sex) to drop that bomb. How is that even approached, and aren’t you steal your man’s thunder?
I don’t understand the unmistakable scent of wedding seeking women that is in the air, adds new meaning to ‘women in heat,’ or maybe that was the meaning previously, I’m just now understanding. My wedding planner friend is the busiest she’s ever been, as if the slight chill in the wind has an effect on women akin to chipmunks preparing for winter. They are crazed with the hopes of tying the knot before winter’s grasp succeeds, meaning the ladies will have to wait another year for the absolute most glorious time to have their ‘day.’ That just seems like craziness. A wedding seems like such a huge fiasco; I’m even sure the two words are synonymous on Wikipedia (I’ll start that article right now.)
I guess I would be the same way. Well, almost. I am a girl, so fancy jewelry AWESOME. And I am Chy, so bragging is a must. I have no want to walk down the aisle. Fiancée sounds better than husband; can’t you have an unending engagement? Can’t it be stated at the engagement party (which I didn’t even know existed till a month ago) that you’re not actually gonna have a big eat cake and dance, I-do-you-do-we-do ceremony. Something like “Friends and family, this is just an expensive promise ring. It means we don’t have intentions of giving each other up, and nothing says ‘I’m taken’ like a blood diamond. Besides, this way we don’t have to negotiate divorce lawyers if I decide her ass is too big.” I’d even throw in that they aren’t obligated to get us gifts, I don’t need no toaster. I’m all for the unending engagement. That should be the new black.
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