Growing up sucks.

I was watching the Today show this morning in which they had a segment pertaining to 5 different stages in a person’s life and financial advice for those stages.  The stages consisted of a young couple about to have a baby, a single young professional, divorce, the re-marrying and co-mingling of families couple and I don’t remember the last one. 

I guess I live in fairy tale land.  I think the first and second stages should be reversed and the third and fourth stages shouldn’t happen.  Who has a kid THEN decides to get professionally serious?  As a single young professional with no brewing-babies or marriage, I’m advised to buy a house and invest in my retirement.  Mentally thinking about how much I would need to purchase a house made me realize, I’ll be renting well into my 80’s.  Seattle is one of the only markets where house values are still increasing (or so I read) which means I’ll be struggling up-hill the entire time I’m trying to save – my potential house constantly increasing in cost or my potential house shrinking in size.  Knowing that I don’t want to live too far away and knowing how much houses cost in the areas I’d like to live (I’m saying conservatively $300,000), and factoring the widely accepted down payment of 20%, I’ll today’s projected down payment is $60,000.  This is if I don’t start comparing my potential home to my current home, which is a $600,000 condo in the middle of downtown that I could never afford (unless I get the lotto, but I’ve never bought a ticket, so I’m not gonna pray for that jackpot).  This beaut here is a 780 square feet, 2 bed, 1 bather weighing in at $314,000 and I'd still have to commute over an hour (via bus, I don't have a car, not want one).  It's a about 200 square feet less than my current home and butt-ass far away.  Moving on: $60,000 is a little less than double my yearly salary.  If I give myself 5 years, I’ll need to save $12,000 a year or one after-tax paycheck a month.  And that’s if I can find $300,000 homes for sale in the Seattle area in the year 2012.

After I accomplish that goal, I’m onto getting a divorce.  On the bright side, Suze Orman’s advice was to stick it out 10 years ‘cause then you get half of your ex-husband/wife’s social security.  Wonderful advice, especially for a person my age who highly doubts social security will be around when I’m eligible.  Without the potential half of my ‘odd’s-are-soon-to-be’ ex-husband’s social security there’s really no reason to get married.  Except the party.  But since at my age, the advice is to get a house and invest in retirement, all my money will be tied up inflated interest rate mortgages, IRAs and 401(k).  If I manage to get married, get divorced, get remarried to some dude with kids (hopefully grown and out of the house, I’m not raising someone else’s rugrats) then I get to look forward to dying.

I CAN’T WAIT TO GROW UP!