lowered expectations

As Valentine’s Day draws closer, I am reminded of the elevated expectations members of my gender have.  I can see in their eyes hope for a memorable experience: dozens of perfumed roses, a sappy card documenting undying love, dinner reservations at the candlelit and overpriced Chez Chez Poo Poo, a reason to wear a dress and gussy one’s self up, poetic confessions of love and adoration, something sparkly and expensive slid across the table in a velvet box, being hand fed rich chocolates from a heart shaped box and repetitive “I love you”s whispered into her ear while hand holding.  Every time I think of a girl wishfully envisioning her perfectly romantic evening, I think of the let down.  The day after Valentine’s Day is always full of ladies’ recounts of evenings that failed to meet their expectations.  A movie and a pizza or just flowers or nothing at all.  Dashed dreams. 

It’s sad that so many women are such hopeless romantics, swept away in t.v. drama love stories and holding on to a dream man that fulfills their lovey-dovey visions.  I don’t understand this idyllic fixation, it’s as if women have yet to open their eyes and look at the world of men around them.  It’s hard to hope for roses and love poems and love struck gazes and genuine interest in you when you realize guys are like domestic pets, they want to sleep, eat, poo and get naughty. 

And for men it has to be the same (albeit more vain and shallow) way.  Instead of t.v. drama love stories, they are ambushed by silicone women of Barbie doll like proportions.  Completely unnatural, and yet you would not know that by the way men act.  The expectation of a woman that is part porn star, part Betty Crocker and missing vocal cords is widely accepted.  But if they’d step outside, they’d see that most women are short and chubby and speak and think and generally don’t like sports.  Expectations are so high.

I propose a general lowering of the expectations.  If women expect to watch a basketball game for Valentine’s Day, they will be so happy if they receive flowers and doubly happy if he grants no-basketball consideration.  If men expect a flat-chested pygmy whose specialty is roasted mealworms, they will be happy with normal girl and doubly so if she can make macaroni and cheese. 

If ladies want a fantastic Valentine’s Day, they should put together one themselves.  An all ladies night of cocktails and a fancy dinner with the gal pals is more realistic than relying on your man to supply and fulfill your amorous dreams.  That’s probably what I’ll be planning.