ambiguity

I’m alarmed at the ambiguity of men in the area I live.  At least once a day I see a man, or multiple men wearing, doing or saying something that men just should not wear, do or say.  Seattle is like the real line incarnate of the Replacements song “Androgynous” – “Here comes Dick, he wearing a skirt.  Here comes Jane, you know she’s sportin’ a chain.  Same hair, revolution, same build, evolution…”  The ladies don’t get to me ‘cause I just don’t notice them.  I am a heterosexual.

Yesterday I saw a man wearing lavender, magenta, purple and baby pink striped socks.  He wasn’t homeless, and he was walking with a girl – although, his arm was strung through her arm, which I find a gender-role reversal.  So just how did I know this walking man was wearing little girl socks?  Oh, uh, he cut his pants a good 3 inches above his shoe line; there was visible fraying so no mistake could be made on whether or not this was a home tailoring job.  It’s was so odd, I had to snap a picture.  The 'male' is on the left, and his lady-friend was on the right.  Unfortunately, they were walking so it’s not exactly clear, but you can tell, those are LADY colored socks.

And this morning I climb into an elevator with two other women and two other men.  Someone’s wearing perfume that smells really good.  Like womanly-good, as in I might consider buying this bottled smelly-good stuff.  Me being a woman.  I offer a compliment: “Someone smells good.  I like the perfume.”  Metrosexual dude in front of me accepts the compliment.  I stopped myself before saying “you smell like a girl.  I bet all the guys like you.”

I’m glad this Valentine’s Day I am not a single female scoping the Seattle Single’s Scene.  I would have to resort to hitting on college freshman in hopes that they too have not swallowed (no pun intended, wait, pun intended) the androgynous fad of Seattle.  I think if you wanna dress and smell and talk with a lisp and wave your hands around and squeal like a little girl, just commit to it and become a girl.  Likewise, if ladies feel the need to shave their heads and grab their crotch and cat call and wear boots and talk in a false tenor tone, I say testosterone injections are necessary.  I’m tired of being confused.