OMG Mariners

Some girl on her got a job at Safeco field.  I’m so jealous. 

Yesterday I had one of those ‘tude days; a day when I’m just waiting for some high-and-mighty business guy to jump in front of me while entering an elevator so I step on his expensive shoes with my very pointy heels.  I was in a MOOD.  I think it was tipped off as soon as I entered my building to start my day.  Ahead of me on the escalator was a lady with a Mariners gym bag.  Not just any Mariners gym bag, but the EXACT gym bag they gave away last year at one of the game.  A game that I went to specifically so I could get a gym bag, but the Mariner’s gods were looking the other way because they gave them all away before I got there.  The Man assured me that he’d get me one.  I sulked the whole game, looking around at all the other fans that had a bag, when I didn’t.  It was obvious they were not as big Mariners fan as I was, my clapping was louder, my cheering more enthusiastic, my emotion to an extreme.  I deserved a Mariners gym bag, I actually workout! 

Well, some lady that works in my building has a Mariners gym bag, and I like to think it’s mine.  I don’t even think she’s a fan.  She probably isn’t.  She probably got it from some friend, I don’t even want to think about it.  Somebody giving away a Mariners gym bag that should be treasured and used lovingly.  I thought about that girl all day yesterday.  I even told the Man about it.  He asked if I stole the bag, I said no.  It was full of her stuff.  Not a good idea. 

Amazingly, I just found this bag from the 1979 Mariners and I HAVE TO HAVE IT.  It's gorgeous.  It trumps the free Mariners gym bag the chick-chump had and I love the old logo with the trident.  This is the best trident logo they have, I don't like the one before this, the first logo form '77.  This gym bag is Mariners perfection.

Now a girl, on THIS SITE, got a job at Safeco.  Safeco, home of the destined-to-be-amazing-this-year-have-you-seen-our-rotation MARINERS.  Seattle Mariners.  Small world.  If I didn’t have a full time job, and the Man and the Rabid Beast, Cinderella chores and have a desire to relax, I’d have a job at Safeco.  A part-time job.  I’d work the Ben and Jerry’s cart, serving up Phish Food ice cream and screaming at Richie Sexson to bat another one in.  People would walk from the far end of Safeco Field to my Ben and Jerry’s cart, to see the “Crazy Ben and Jerry’s girl that claps really loud and gets really excited and sometimes yells at McClaren.”  I’d develop a fan base and they’d put me in the Mariner’s Hall-of-Fame, right next to Dave Niehaus.  I’d get to throw out the ceremonious first pitch of the 2009 season.  The local news shows would do specials on me, the girl who loved the Mariners so much she got a part-time job working at the Ben and Jerry’s cart so she could see as many home games as possible.  The players would know me.  Beltre would ask me to critique his game because I had an elevated vantage point.  I’d tell him to hussle more.  I’d tell Ichiro that if he’s gonna dress like a gay Japanese man, he needs to steal more bases.  And I’d always pronounce Raul’s name with eleven ‘u’s.  Ahh, the dream life.

I asked that girl to be my friend.  I’m nervous.  I’d feel like I’d have to scout her out at Safeco, say ‘hi.’  I need a Safeco connection.  So I can get the inside scoop, which joint makes the best garlic fries and which shop have the friendliest Safeco employees.  I only like to buy gear from friendly people.