pee in my Mariners pants

MARINERS!  Party time!  MARINERS!  Excellent!

Ahhhh.  It’s OPENING DAY.  For Baseball!  I’m so friggen excited, I almost peed my pants.  Well, I drank a lot of water, then got involved in some documents outlining flashing of windows, which is so interesting I forgot to heed the call of nature.  But, I’ll blame the Mariners.

This is going to be a great year for the Mariners of Seattle.  My Mariners.  Everything is exciting about the Mariners this year.  Every time I think about them its like *gasp* new COACHING STAFF! *gasp* great PITCHING! *gasp* familiar FACES!  The possibilities are endless year.  Questions revolve in my little brunette covered head:

Will Richie Sexson, aka Dick Sexie improve his batting average to above .170?  Maybe *gasp* .190? 

Will I get kicked out of a game this year?  Maybe *gasp* for trying to injure David “Big Pappi” Ortiz when the Mariners host the Sox ON MY 25th BIRTHDAY?

Will starting pitching have the ability to eat innings?  Maybe *gasp* all the way to the 5th?

Will Ichiro come out of the closet?  Maybe *gasp* not gay? 

Will I finally be recognized as the loudest clapper at Safeco Field?  Maybe *gasp* by Dave Simms HIMSELF!

Who’s jersey should I get?  (J.J. Putz of course.  No contest.  Favorite person, best closer, red head, LOVE.)

Will the Mariners have a designated hitter that designatedly HITS?  Maybe *gasp* consistently?

Just how many ‘u’s will be added to Raul Ibanez’s name this year?

When will the Man and I meet Dave Simms?

Can Brian Adams be shot because I hate him as a correspondent?

Will Mariners fans sell Safeco Field out?  Maybe *gasp* more Mariners fans than Boston fans when we host?  – Although, Boston fans are really fun to be around because they are intense! and passionate! and drink beer! and yell! and cause trouble!  All the things I like to do.

Can I get some DAMN Rally Fries!

And, will I ever get a Mariners gym bag on Mariners gym bag giveaway night?

All these and more. 

I’m so happy to have reliable evening entertainment.  I don’t have to think, I just have to watch, appreciate, let the slow smile of contentment slide across my face.  Opening day of Baseball season is the ringing in of all that is great: warm days, cool beer, laziness.  Hotdogs.  Right now I have the giddy excitement of Safeco Field, I can practically taste it, I can feel the buzz of the crowd.  The anticipation of an evening spent in a seat surrounded by other fans.  Well, I always seem to sit near idiots that don’t know jack or crap about the game or the Mariners, but when I try to explain they give me the “You have a 10” dildo growing out of your forehead” look. 

Enthusiasm is mounting.  I’m already fantasizing about pre-gaming at the Pyramid, perusing the Team Store, yell insults at the Skipper – check it new Skipper McClaren - being perpetually disappointed with Richie Sexson and his gianormous strike zone, watchin Ichiro gallop like a gazelle from outfield, hear “dah-nu-nah-na na THUNDER!” when Putz takes the mound, sneaking Skittle into the ballpark, embarrassing the Man with my extremely loud clapping, waiting for a Beltre homerun, being astonished at Johjima ‘cause he always blows my mind. 

THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE GREAT.