obvious enlightenment

It has been repeatedly brought to my attention, throughout my existence here on Earth, that sometimes (most of the time) I am daft.  The obvious is not so obvious to me.  But because the obvious is not immediately apparent doesn’t mean that I’m forever running around not grasping obvious-isities.  The wool is not pulled over my eyes indefinitely.  Au contrar, they inevitably hit me.  In the end I ‘get it.’

I usually ‘get it’ on the toilet.

Today I was taking a wee, thinking about those people, those people that hover over the toilet, not letting their precious little fannies touch the rim because that’s eww! so gross.  Hover-ers.  I was thinking about this because my precious little fanny thought it may have detected moisture on the toilet seat, thinking that, then thinking “Damn you hover-ers!”  note:  My fanny was correct, there was moisture on the toilet seat.  I realized, you know what?  Those hover-ers are afraid of getting pee on their heinies, yet they are the seat pee-ers that get pee on other people’s heinies!  They are afraid of themselves!  It’s now obvious.

Following the toilet thought, I thought about people that use the crinkly tissue paper barrier to rest their bums on.  Logic would lead you (me, actually, it’s my logic) to understand that they are afraid of the un-hygienic, germy seat touching them.  See, I’m not afraid of that.  Because when I shower in the morning, I never, check it, NEVER forget to wash my arse.  Cheek and all.  Every time I pop a squat, it’s a clean and fresh, hygienic arse perched on that throne.  Using my powers of reasoning, crinkly tissue paper barrier users do not have clean and fresh, hygienic arses because they think everyone else doesn’t.  You see how that works?  Guilty people always assume and accuse others of guilt.  So thank you crinkly tissue paper barrier users for saving my arse from your dirty arse.

I’m having an enlightened day.