McDonalds gut rot

I ran out of breakfast fixins for this morning’s breakfast of champions.  So, for reasons I’ll never fully understand, I made my way to McDonalds, also fondly referred to as McGutBomb.  Guess what’s in the bag.  The catalyst for my arse and the work bathroom toilet joining together for two consecutive hours?  While I groan in pain and curse?  YES!  Also known as two sausage McMuffins with egg.  TWO!  Because you can’t eat just one.  And I don't eat the soggy fake english muffin.  Of DEATH.

Actually, I blame Snoop Dog.  I got the Snoop hankering this morning, so after leaving my home for my 7 minute journey to work, I fired us my SANSA! to Snoop.  That’s when I got the brilliant idea to hit McGutBomb.  Damn you Snoop!  Your ghetto ways, if it wasn’t so easy to imagine you eating a sausage McMuffin with egg, I may have past it up.  Why can’t you remind me to eat something not so gut debilitating?  Why are you the coolest of the cool and how can I be the coolest of the cool too?

These questions will never be answered.  Le Snoop Sigh.

And now my insides are going to shrivel up due to my McGutBomb induced sodium overdose.  Majority of the time, eating a regretful McGutBomb meal leaves me partially comatose.   Sausage McMuffins with egg are like edible, eggy valium.  I can't function, thought processes become slothlike, my neck no longer can support my heavy head so it lulls around and I drool.  Moreso than normal.  And the lulling around ensures that drool slides down my chin, onto my boob-shelf, where it becomes mixed with remnants of the actual sausage McMuffin with egg.  Mmmmm, drool and left over egg/sausage particles resting on a boob-shelf spotted with grease stains.  Attractive!
 

So, while I spend time wait for my intestines to involuntarily drop into my jeans, lubricated by the untold amounts of transfat that I consumed, I’m gonna enjoy my Snoop.  Maybe a little “Staxx in my Jeans” because it’s so fitting.