divorce is like a bad speedo
I get a phone call today from a lady. Random lady. Probably lives in the Seattle area – expert deduction in action. She says she found ‘us’ (my law firm) in the phone book and wants to know if we can recommend a good divorce lawyer.
Divorce is no where near the scope of work this firm does, and I, as gently as possible explained that. Strangely enough, the lawyers I know don’t really run in ‘lawyer circles’ where in which every type of lawyer knows at least three of every other type of lawyer. They’re too classy for that.
After trying to convince her that, no, really, I have no idea of even a name of a divorce lawyer, let alone a good one, I realized her plight. Sudden understanding hits that this woman, some man’s wife (for now), is initiating the painful and long proceedings that will sever her marriage. And it made me angry-sad. That feeling of sadness for her problems and anger knowing she did it to herself. I wished her good luck, mentally acknowledging that it’s not just in finding a good divorce attorney, but in the coming months when her entire marriage and personal life could very well be hashed and rehashed and stripped naked and examined in very unflattering light that will reveal it’s wrinkles and cellulite in front of strangers and the man she married, that at the time she thought would last forever.
I hate divorce. I’m so strongly opposed to it that it makes me feel radical. I think it’s a cop out, the easy way. And I think I feel that way because I hold marriage on such a pedestal. Pedestal not like “Oh marriage, how I wish to behold your wonder.” No. More like, you don’t mess with marriage. I ain’t a God fear-er, I’m not expecting lightning bolts, purgatory or hell-fire, but those ARE sacred vows. Marriage is the adult version of pinky-swearing and all 7 year olds know, you don’t fuck with the pinky swear, it’s closely affiliated with ‘Cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” That’s a promise you keep.
Marriage is serious business. It’s not a random, spur of the moment, ‘we’re in Vegas’ thing. It’s life changing. I equate it to having babies. How life changing is HAVING and RAISING a human child? Enough of a change for most people to tread lightly, wear condoms, swallow birth control pills and practice abstinence. Unless you’re the retarded monkey sister of the retarded monkey Britney Spears. Most people take into consideration that ‘doing it’ may, very well, perhaps lead to a crying, pooping, red-faced screaming baby, and therefore take precautions. They also know that creating that crying, pooping, red-faced screaming baby is a long-term commitment, as in forever, that child will ALWAYS be the spawn of you and that other person. BUT! Marriage is just as life changing, but without a screaming arrival or morning sickness (I think). It’s just as long term, it’s the ultimate commitment, but it’s not tangible. It doesn’t wake you in the middle of the night and puke on you and ask you to teach it to drive. So it’s seems without repercussions. It seems that marriage can easily be entered, and just as easily exited, when that is/was not the intention. Marriage is meant to be forever, and if you don’t think you can make it that long, well then, don’t do marriage the disservice and disgrace of having your retarded monkey ass in the club.
My mother’s been divorced 4 times. Since she left my step father about 5 years ago, she’s been engaged 3 times and is currently engaged. That’s resulted in one very marriage-jaded daughter. I can’t help but think every newly married couple will just as soon become newly divorced. Sad, ain’t it? And it’s not because I don’t’ believe that there is a ‘right’ person for everyone, or that a relationship can last ‘forever,’ because I DO! I wholeheartedly believe it; but I also believe majority of people are looking for instant gratification. They aren’t willing to invest the time and years to cultivate a great relationship that WILL last forever, or stop deluding themselves long enough to discover that their current one won’t. They’ve got ADD of love.
Divorce is like this speedo.
It just makes me so upset when majority of people take something that could be absolutely amazing and run it through the mud. Souring it for everyone. Marriage is like speedos and string bikinis. Speedos and string bikinis aren’t for everyone, but they are pretty damn cool, which is why people wear them. Not everyone can pull off a speedo or string bikini, but that doesn’t prevent millions of people from pouring their pale, overweight, under exercised, flabby, gross behinds into them every day/week/month/year. Even worse is the thong bikini, just because you have a butt doesn’t mean you have to wear a thong bikini. Just because you are human and can sign your name doesn’t mean you have to wipe your ass with marriage.
I support bikinis and speedos on the appropriate figures.
I support marriage with the appropriate consideration.
I totally agree with you. And i bet most people would assume I'd agree strictly because maybe I'm stereotyped as the resident Godboy around here or something but maybe thats not the case.
i think a call for character overlaps , or should overlap, all sectors of society. Like how i wish my fellow men would stop being such scummy slimesucking weirdos... and how i wish these women would stop being the "cool" paris hilton archetypes ... in the same way i think marriage involves character. And character involves "counting the cost" - premeditation on whether you think you can handle the deal once you've examined all potential aspects of it..... and if the situation doesn't look like something you want to 'buy into' then AVOID it.
unfortunately, and quite seriously - from the christian perspective (and why there's such a high rate of failure in "christian" marriages) - christians get married without taking into account all of these REAL issues and their ability to cope with them , in short, because they're horny and are desperate to have what they believe is God sanctioned guiltless sex. But no sooner than they're bumping uglies than the problems arise to the forefront and they're too immature to handle them , and then they end up with the heavy burdened christian conscience consequence of divorce anyway. so there's half of the divorce rate right there.
i dunno. i guess it just makes me happy to see someone who's not swept up in the downcurrent of pop society's "marital vows = stupid need not be honored dogshit" stream of thought.
and for the record, I am SO happy and blessed to be married to my absolute best friend. when i'm angry at her, even then divorce is not an option. Murder, maybe. but not divorce!! :)
Both of my parents have been married three times, and my dad is working on a fourth. I swore up and down that I'd never get married and it's such a horrible thing yadda yadda...but once I calulcated their behavior versus my own, I'd say I'm more qualified to be married because I have a pretty good grip on who I am and what my faults are as opposed to them who have seemingly gone through life with no self-examination, and always ALWAYS blaming the divorces on 'bad choices'.
