babys-r-us fails me

I’m not known for being an outstanding friend.  I’m not horrible.  I don’t steal boyfriends, or clothes or poop on your head while you are sleeping.  Mostly, I’m unavailable.  I’m distant and say inappropriate things and am odd and socially awkward and you can’t take me anywhere and I’d rather be sitting on my couch than sitting on your couch anyday and I don’t do things on Sunday.  I don’t like to stay out late, I’m not into club scene, I don’t like to travel far and I’m not very interesting.  Despite being very up front about my downfalls, I still have friends.  And they are lovely, intelligent, caring people that for one reason or another, have taken me into their circle.

I don’t necessarily understand why.  I rarely hang out and even more rarely coordinate festivities.  Maybe I’m an accomplished conversationalist, and I didn’t even know it.  Perhaps it’s my great set of boobs. 

One of my friends had a little baby.  Like a month, no, two or more months ago.  I didn’t go to the baby shower.  I wrote about it, I didn’t go for some of the reasons stated above as why I’m not a good friend, mainly, I didn’t want to travel, it was on a Sunday and people I didn’t know were going to be there.  Also, I’ve never been to a baby shower, so I didn’t know what to except and I’m very uncomfortable about baby things.  Now, approximately 2 point 5 months after the fact, I’m feeling guilty.  Mostly because I kept the evite for the shower in my email inbox and so I see it frequently.  My thought process was to keep the evite till I bought something for her from her baby registry as a reminder to myself.  So today I procrastinate reviewing documents and search on babys-r-us for something super cool awesome necessary thoughtful that I can send her and be in her good graces again.  At least perhaps reduce my guilt. 

I’m drawing a blank.  I’m looking at things and don’t know what some of them are for and I’m anti-unnecessary and/or overpriced things so my babys-r-us virtual shopping cart is empty.  I have no idea what a 2 point 5 month old baby needs, beside a boob.  I was under the impression that a boob was basically all they needed, all that other crap is for the parents.  And frivolously unnecessary at that.  So what do the parents of a 2 point 5 month old baby need/want?  Earplugs?  Anti-depressants?  A handle of Jack Daniels?  A baby sitter?  These are things that I’m thinking I’d need if I had a baby, and yet babys-r-us is failing to provide them for me. 

I could get the wee baby a shirt, but what size?  Should I get him something big?  So he’ll grow into it?  Does he need more binkies and plush toys and what is a receiving blanket?  How does it differ from a regular blanket? 

I’ve clicked the red ‘x’ on the far right corner of my internet explorer 2007 and shut down the babys-r-us.  I’m just not cut out for my friends to grow older and do adult things, like have babies and get married.